AEthedigm 1392 AC

This game slaps.

Yeah, is it a UDK game? Most certainly. If you don't know what that is, this game is probably too old for you. Featuring real-time party based combat, with live character switching, multi character combos, and the most interesting magical combat ramping system ever.

All of that before you settle in for some peak Johnny Young Bosch main character voice acting. You like Bleach? You'll like this.

I wanted to like this game.

But Tidus sucks. And the game meanders. The first few moments of the game are pretty slick, and then the drudge kicks in less than an hour into a playthrough. Never beaten it, probably never will.

Now THIS is a game. Forget Kingdom Hearts.

Spike comes out SLAPPIN' MONKEYS with his COPYRIGHT-FREE light saber. Catches those darn dirty apes with his net long before Animal Crossing won any hearts.

You can FLY with boat paddles. Some of these monkeys are STRAPPED. They pull out the Thompsons on a CHILD. And that still doesn't work. Spike is a G.

Never before have I been brought to manly, manly tears before by the hands of a turn based game. But this game did it THRICE.

This game may have launched a franchise. It may have created the formula that everyone loves. It may even be better than what I'm about to pitch it to you as.

But it's... not good.

This is Ape Escape, but instead of Sony, it's Square + Disney, and also it's worse than Ape Escape.

Sora controls poorly. The beginning of this game is a test of your patience. The majority of people playing Kingdom Hearts I in the year 2020+ are people who played it as a kid, and already did things the hard...